Opinions vary on use of swear words

Are swear words nothing to go ape%#@ over?

Or do curse words irritate the %*&# out of you?

That question nets a variety of answers among local residents.

"I don't like to hear them," Florence resident Ivan Stafford said. "I don't like to use them. There's a better way to get a point across."

Stafford admits that he, and probably just about everyone, occasionally lets a word slip. But when someone uses curse word after curse word in a conversation, "I probably wouldn't listen very long."

Other residents say the words fly by without them noticing.

"Once you've heard things, you get used to it," Florence resident and University of North Alabama student Lauren Barlow said. She added that guys don't seem to hold back on swearing when around her or other women.

There certainly are enough curse words out there to choose from. The curse-word-filter Web site noswearing.com has an alphabetical list of 146 curse words. They cover a gamut that describes jerks, sexual acts, body parts, sexual orientation, race and religion.

Some include several varieties of well-known curse words, although none involves taking use of God's name in vain.

"I would think the biggest (curse) word is using the Lord's name in vain," Florence resident Billy Montgomery said.

Many others agree.

"When people use the Lord's name in vain, it really offends me," Tuscumbia resident and UNA student Patrick Smith said.

There seems to be a difference in opinion regarding what is included as a curse word. Generally, younger residents see no harm in phrases such as "that sucks," or "I'm pissed," while older residents wince at the term.

"They're maybe not cuss words, but they're not appropriate," Montgomery said. "I would think it's rude to say that."

Florence resident Constance Washington said those aren't necessarily curse words. "Just ugly words; something you wouldn't want to say as a child. It could just be considered street slang."

Ashton Lance, a sophomore at UNA, wouldn't consider those to be curse words.

Lance, an Atlanta native, says he hears as much cursing in the Shoals as he did back home. Even the harshest curse words don't bother him. "They've all kind of lost their meaning by now."

Perhaps television has an impact on that difference of opinion. A National Public Radio report discussed a recent study by the Parents Television Council. The study found that children watching popular children's networks hear mild curse words such as "stupid" and "butt" at an average of once an hour.

That brings a point from Washington, who says some words are curse words just because they're hurtful toward others.

Washington's least favorite curse words are those that degrade women. Even some men agree.

"I'm a man, but I'm especially offended by words that disrespect women," Florence's John Rivers said.

That's a point several residents made: If it's offensive, it's a "bad word."

UNA's Lance and Barlow say you don't have to be "cussing" to say a horrible word.

"I think the N-word would be the most offensive word out there," Barlow said. "You don't want to say things that could be offensive to other people and their beliefs."

Rivers says if he heard a conversation from a stranger that involved a lot of curse words, he'd have a low opinion of that person.

"It's disrespectful," he said. "I hear young people especially use a lot of swear words in front of women and adults.

"When I was a kid, I was ashamed for an adult to hear me swear. Now it seems kids take pride in it."

Smith says he doesn't hear too much cursing around fellow UNA students, but notices cursing, in general, is more common these days.

"I can remember a time when they were really off limits," he said. "They've become more acceptable."

Smith says television and music can contribute to cursing, but there's a greater influence that could make the difference regarding someone's use of swear words.

"One place that's important is at the home," he said. "If I said something like that to my parents, they'd get on me."

James V. O'Connor can tell you a lot about cursing.

The founder of the Lake Forest, Ill.-based Cuss Control Academy has made it his life's work to help people kick the cursing habit.

O'Connor said he found himself frequently swearing and wanted to stop, but couldn't find a resource. So he decided to find the right formula on his own and formed the academy in 1998.

Today, he travels across the nation, speaking before civic groups, schools and companies.

"I talk about the civility issue," he said. "It's just impolite and disrespectful to swear at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Often, a company invites O'Connor when there is a foul-mouthed worker who the company doesn't want to single out. "They make sure that person is in the audience," he said. "Often, that person is a high-ranking employee."

O'Connor said the first step in eliminating cursing habits is to recognize that the words do damage, not just to others, but to the person doing the swearing.

"A lot of people are offended by the words, and they're passing negative judgment on you and your intelligence and concern for others," he said.

Washington says that's often her impression of someone who lets the words frequently fly. "I think it's a person who has a lack of vocabulary and is not mindful of others," she said.

O'Connor's background is in public relations, and that's the basis of his seminars.

"PR is about creating a positive image and communicating effectively," he said. "If you say, 'I'm f-ing pissed off,' a person is less likely to listen to you. But if you say, 'I'm really upset,' they're more likely to be sympathetic and want to listen to you."

He said replacing curse words often leaves an impression because the listener will remember the word you used in its place, and thus remember your message.

"If you say, 'I'm livid,' or 'That stinks' instead of, 'I'm pissed,' or 'That sucks,' it would have more of an impact because it's more unusual."

He cautions that, if you try to stop swearing, there will be slipups. If, for example, you try to quit smoking, you can do so if there are no cigarettes around you. But you don't need a product in order to curse.

"So, don't be so hard on yourself and don't give up. If you can reduce the use, you're going to make yourself better."

One of his biggest points is that you actually can make yourself more relaxed by not cursing.

Much swearing is based on negativity, he explains.

O'Connor said he used to get road rage and swear at other drivers. But now he catches himself in those situations, and lets things go more often without getting upset. The same applies to other situations such as being stuck in a long line.

"Once you realize your swearing is based on negativity, don't be so negative," O'Connor said. "As a consequence, you actually become a more content person."

Bernie Delinski can be reached at 740-5739 or bernie.delinski@timesdaily.com.