Not fireproof

Actor Kirk Cameron plays a husband who battled with saving his marriage in the 2008 film "Fireproof," which gained popularity, particularly among church groups.

And perhaps many married couples in Alabama can relate to the marriage woes of Cameron's Caleb Holt.

Recent information proves that Alabama's divorce rate still beats the national average. According to the U.S. Department of Public Health, Alabama's divorce rate was 39 percent higher than the national rate in 2007.

John Hill, former director of research for the Alabama Policy Institute, says Alabama's divorce rate has been "significantly higher" than the national rate since the 1950s.

"Times of economic stress can aggravate the divorce rate to make it go up a bit," Hill said.

Because of the high nunbers, several churches have implemented programs to help those going through a divorce.

At Woodmont Baptist Church in Florence, Belinda Green serves as a full-time single adult and single-parent family minister. Green heads the divorce ministry, which the church started 15 years ago. The ministry helps men and women cope with situations surrounding the divorce.

The eight- to 12-week program includes discussions and videos on such topics as Road to Healing, Facing Your Anger, Dealing with Loneliness, New Relationships and Kid Care.

Barry Cummings is a Woodmont Divorce Care program facilitator and said the program serves as therapy.

"You learn a lot from hearing from other people's experiences," he said.

Though Cummings works with Woodmont, he participated in a divorce care program at Highland Park Baptist Church in Tuscumbia when dealing with his divorce, which was finalized just two months before his enrollment in the program in August.

Cummings said he is now on the road to recovery while helping others along the same path. But he said divorce hurts.

"It's the most painful experience that I've been through," Cummings said.

Green said more than 1,000 people from the surrounding area have gone through the program since its inception.

She said because divorce is difficult to overcome, some program attendees need more assistance in the transition. Others, she said, may just be separated or on the verge of a divorce.

"Sometimes, they'll go through more than one session," Green said.

Green has been married to her husband Danny for 11 1/2 years. But because she is no stranger to divorce, she uses her personal testimony to help others.

Before her divorce almost 25 years ago, Green said she had downturn in her marriage. Soon after, she and her husband began to be unhappy. They had been married 17 years before they divorced.

"The biggest thing was getting so caught up in our work and in our children," she said.

Green said the marriage lacked communication. Stress from the failing marriage added to their unhappiness.

She said she never thought divorce would happen to them and did not think to find a way to "fireproof" the marriage.

"We didn't know that we needed to do anything intentionally to protect our marriage," Green said.

"We just grew apart to some extent."

Green started over when she met Danny and was able to work more toward building a healthy marriage, she said.

In February, Gov. Bob Riley signed a proclamation declaring it "Alabama Marriage Month."

Emphasis was placed on the importance of healthy, productive and lasting relationships and marriages.

There also is an ongoing initiative to educate people about marriage.

"There seems to be a more concerted effort in strengthening marriage," said licensed marriage and family therapist Drew Jamieson.

Jamieson has worked as a private practitioner for more than three years and has been married for 14 years.

He also is president of the Shoals Family Council, an organization that promotes healthy parenting and marriage habits.

Jamieson said couples can achieve an ideal marriage, but it takes cooperation from both sides.

He said a few steps can develop a strong marriage.

Establishing a friendship is important. Couples, he said, should stay in tune with each other's worlds, such as asking how one's workday went. In addition, Jamieson said expressing appreciation and naming the things that make one feel fond of their partner is a marital plus.

"It doesn't have to be hard either," he said.

Jamieson said when a marriage is healthy, it has a positive impact not only on the couple, but their surrounding community.

He said spouses should operate on the "marital emotional banking" system. Couples should make "deposits" into their mates life - suggestions include a love letter in the lunch bag, a random gift and other acts of love. "Deposits," he said, should beat "withdrawals" five to one.

"It could even be filling up the other person's gas tank," he said.

Green said the experiences from her first marriage became a point of reference to develop her current marriage. She said oftentimes people may rush into marriage without seeking premarital counseling and later find they made a bad decision which can lead to divorce.

"They just take what they think is an easy way out," Green said.

Green said she is more aware of the commitment while she and her husband, Danny, communicate every day and make the marriage a priority in their lives. "Divorce is not an option."

Shelbia Brown can be reached at 740-5733 or shelbia.brown@timesdaily.com.