Nielson book wouldn't be large enough

Bernie's World

Someone recently told me about being part of the Nielsen television ratings.

He listed the shows he watched for a week or so, and turned in a viewing diary to the Nielsen company.

Part of me wishes I could help decide what to watch. Part of me thinks it would be a bad thing, though, because I'm afraid my viewing diary for an evening would look something like this:

6 p.m.: "Scrubs," on channel - no, wait, make that the Braves game on the - hold it, now it's HBO. Ah, yes, "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Shoot, I've seen it, back to "Scrubs."

6:01 p.m.: "SportsCenter," on ESPN - scratch that. Now it's on CSS for the replay of a football game I've already watched, but hey, it's football, which reminds me, I missed the final "Monday Night Football" game score. So, back to ...

6:02 p.m.: "SportsCenter." Geez, why are they airing a replay of the game that's being replayed on CSS? Oops, I used the volume control instead of channel. There we go. Now we're back to "SportsCenter" - ya know, that "Scrubs" episode is one of my favorites. It's when J.D. stands on Turk's shoulders and they have a long doctor's robe and pretend to be "Giant Doctor." (Note: Wife, Wendy, is getting tired of the channel surfing.)

6:03 p.m.: "Scrubs." OK, maybe I should watch something more serious. I'll turn it to CNN. I mean, heck, I'm worse than a child who wants to watch "SpongeBob SquarePants."

6:04 p.m.: "SpongeBob SquarePants." That goofy sponge thing cracks me up! OK, OK, I'll turn it to CNN.

6:05-7 p.m.: CNN.

7 p.m.: Awaken from 55-minute nap.

7:01 p.m.: Must decide between "Married With Children," yet another "Scrubs" episode," baseball or "Malcolm in the Middle."

7:02-7:30 p.m.: "Married With Baseball Scrubs in the Middle." In other words, pretty much all the shows at once (Note: Wendy really getting tired of this long about now).

7:31 p.m.: "Married With Baseball Scrubs in the Middle Getting Attacked By A Shark" (Note: Why didn't anyone TELL me it's Shark Week on Discovery Network?!)

7:32-9 p.m.: "Law and Order" (Note: Wendy commandeered remote 88 minutes ago).

9:01 p.m.: "SportsCenter." (Note: Wendy has gone to bed and the remote is mine again, baaayyybeee!!)