Dr. James E. Crowder, of Florence, answers questions about reducing stress during the holidays.
Last Updated:October 27. 2009 4:33PM
Published: October 28. 2009 3:30AM
Q: Why are holidays so stressful?
A: Reasons for feeling stressed around the holidays are ubiquitous. Many of us tend to overspend, even in times of economic stress, and the bills keep growing to the extent of making the coming year look bleak. Exuberance around the holiday season makes many people more impulsive; they drink too much; eat too much and take on more activities than can be properly handled. Even family gatherings, the traditional extended family parties that most of us anticipate with pleasure, often arouse long dormant hurt or angry feelings that can add to the stress of the holiday.
Q: How can we lessen expectations without feeling as if we are ruining Christmas for the family?
A: Parents should be honest with each other as to how much can be spent for the holiday season and stick to only what they can afford. A frank pre-holiday family discussion about available funds may lower expectations for gifts and point out the really meaningful gifts of the holidays, the enjoyment of family and friends that may be seen only once a year.
To make the holiday more meaningful, many adults, with their children, volunteer their time during the holiday season to help others. It is a “free” way to help gain satisfaction in life and to teach selflessness to children, thus helping them to think of others instead of just themselves when it comes to holiday expectations.
Q: If being around the extended family is stressful, are there some techniques we can use to lessen the angst?
A: Although family celebrations have great potential for shared togetherness, such meetings often renew old family rivalries, including sibling rivalries even among members of the family who may be in their senior years.
If you have had an issue with a family member or friend, why not set a goal during the holidays to do your best to resolve the conflict and turn a problem into a success story?
Q: Are there some things we can do to help us remain calm during all of the holiday hubbub?
A: Some holiday stress is unavoidable, and perhaps is what we have to pay for the enjoyment of the holidays. Families should agree to share responsibilities for the holiday season.
Dividing responsibilities, even among the children, teaches the youngsters in the family that they are important enough to share in the responsibilities and that such sharing is the fair and right thing to do. Most of all, we need to remember that none of us is superhuman, and we should be careful that we do not overload ourselves.
Q: How do you deal with expectations that you attend everyone’s holiday parties?
A: Some folks would like to have this problem! But, seriously, you and your important other hopefully will discuss the different parties, and decide, based on your own criteria, which ones are the most important to attend. Some factors that are undoubtedly important in the decision are whether the party involves family and friends, business acquaintances, co-workers or church activities. A simple, “Thanks for the invitation, but we won’t be able to make it this year,” should suffice for those invitations you have to decide.
