Parents have twisted sense of humor

Bernie's World

You know what I've come to learn through the years?

I've come to learn that we parents really get a twisted kick out of scaring our kids.

Don't believe me? Well, let's take a look at what we have done throughout the generations to help soothe our kid's nerves at bedtime:

"Would you like to hear a nursery rhyme?" we ask.

"Sure," the child innocently responds.

So, what do we parents do? We break out this jewel:

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,

"She had so many children she didn't know what to do!

"So she gave them some broth without any bread,

"And she whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed!"

Now there's a warm ending to a story, huh? The only thing that could make it even better would be for the parent to finish that one up with, "Oh, by the way, we're having another baby. What will we do with all these children?"

So, just about the time the child wonders whether his parents are trying to get rid of him, a parent adds this one:

"Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet

"Eating her curds and whey,

"Along came a spider,

"Who sat down beside her

"And frightened Miss Muffet away."

"There," the parents asks. "Don't you feel better now?"

Now, the child is thinking, "SPIDER! Where'd that spider come from?! I'll bet there's one in my bed!"

"Well, now," the parent asks, "Would you like another rhyme?"

The child wants to yell no, but is too scared to move.

Then the parent tosses out this one:

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water

"Jack fell down and broke his crown,

"And Jill came tumbling after."

"Oh, so that's the way the parents are gonna do it, huh?" the child thinks. "They're gonna make it look like an accident."

"Well, good night, the parent then says. "Before you go to sleep, would you like some water or something?"

"NO!" the child says. "I don't want to do anything close to fetching any water."

Finally, the parent adds, "I can see you're upset. I'll tell you what, let me sing you a lullaby we used to sing when you were a child:

"Rock a bye baby on the tree top,

"When the wind blows the cradle will rock,

"When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,

"And down will come baby, cradle and all."

The parent then turns to leave the room, but adds on the way out, "Good night, honey. It certainly is a windy one out there tonight. Well, you just cradle yourself up good and tight now.

"In the morning, I'll tell you about Humpty Dumpty."

"Bernie's World" runs Saturdays in the TimesDaily. Bernie Delinski can be reached at 740-5739 or bernie.delinski@timesdaily.com.