Florence, Ala. | Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Font Size: A A A A

Bernie’s World
A day at the ‘School Of Inept Bad Guy’

Judging from the action movies I've seen, I can only assume there is some type of international "School Of Inept Bad Guy." I imagine a typical day at class going something like this:

Instructor: "Today we start target practice. Here is a cardboard cutout of a good guy. We're going to move it along this cable, as though it's running away from you. Ready? Start shooting."

(Shooting begins.)

Instructor: "WHOA! What are y'all doing?"

Student: "We're shooting the cutout."

Instructor: "You aren't supposed to kill him. You're supposed to shoot at his feet, barely missing behind him as he runs away."

Student: "So we can't hit him?"

Instructor: "There are limited instances in which you can hit him — but only in the shoulder."

Student: "But ... "

Instructor: Also, some of you reloaded when you ran out of ammunition."

Student: "Yeah, so?"

Instructor: So you're supposed to throw the gun at the good guy. But don't hit him."

Student: "But, we still have ammo ... "

Instructor: "OK, enough target practice. Now we're going to pretend I'm the good guy and all of you are going to come at me and attack. Begin!"

(All approach the instructor at once.)

Instructor: "Hold it! Now what are you doing?"

Student: "You told us to attack you."

Instructor: "But not all at once. You should approach me one at a time, so I can fend you off individually while everyone else stands around waiting their turn for some unknown reason."

Student: "Why would everyone else stand around waiting their turn?"

Instructor: "I said, ‘for some unknown reason.' Geez, pay attention. OK, next lesson. Say you're in position to kill the good guy. What's next?"

Student: You kill him?"

Instructor: Ha-ha! Trick question. No, you knock him unconscious and tie him up."

Student: "But why don't you kill him?"

Instructor: "Oh, you do. But first you wait for him to come to. Then you explain your diabolical plan while he unties himself without your knowledge. Oh, and make sure there's someone nearby with a weapon so he can steal it and ultimately use it to kill you."

Student: "I hope being the bad guy carries a good life insurance plan."

E-mail this
Print this

Comments

Most Read
Most Recent
Events Calendar
Wednesday, May 22, 2013 see all events
  • Wed
  • 22
  • Thu
  • 23
  • Fri
  • 24
  • Sat
  • 25
  • Sun
  • 26
  • Mon
  • 27
  • Tue
  • 28
Overeaters Anonymous
First Cumberland Presbyterian
1:30 PM - 2:30 PM
Quad City Squares Square Dance Club dances and lessons
Royal Avenue Recreational Center
7:00 PM - 9:00 PM
Boomers and Seniors dances
The Club
6:30 PM - 9:00 PM
Spring Valley Vol. Fire Dept. Benefit for Carlos Stanfield
Natchez Trace Harley-Davidson
10:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Fish fry
Underwood-Petersville Volunteer Fire Department
2:00 PM - 7:00 PM
Northwest Alabama Backgammon Club
Flobama LLC
5:45 PM
Boomers and Seniors dances
The Club
6:30 PM - 9:00 PM
Poll
Should Northwest-Shoals Community College revive its sports program?