I've come up with occasional characters for the ol' Bernie's World. With that in mind, here is Gus, The Guy Who Takes Things Too Literally.
Boss: Gus, it's time for your annual review.
Gus: OK, but it seems a little premature since it's only the first week of the year.
Boss: Your 2012 review, nimrod. There seems to be a communication gap between you and the customers, you and everyone in the office and you and — well, every human being on earth.
Gus: I've noticed that. I don't know what's wrong with all of those people.
Boss: Gus, have you ever stopped for a moment and tried to seek the real cause of the problem?
Gus: No, but I'll try.
Boss: Are you OK? You're not moving.
Gus: I stopped for a moment. It didn't help me find the real cause of the problem.
Boss: I meant figuratively stop.
Gus: Oh, like a statue. I'll bet if I take on the figure of "The Thinker" that would probably be best.
Boss: No, I meant — forget it. Let's just move to another aspect of your employment. When we tell you to email someone, we don't mean to mail that person the letter ‘e.' We mean electronic mail.
Gus: Electronic? But what if they open it in the rain, wouldn't they get electrocuted?
Boss: Moving on. Let's talk about sending a fax.
Gus: I'm really good at those. My favorite facts are "The United States is a country, the sky is blue and my doggy is cute."
Boss: No, that's wrong.
Gus: That's a terrible thing to say about Rover!
Boss: It's fax as in f-a-x, not f-a-c-t-s.
Gus: Oh. So I should remember it's f-a-x when you say send a fax. Should I send letter e's by fax from now on?
Boss: Forget about the e's! Look, I'm trying to help you out here, but the facts remain ...
Gus: Some faxes remain? Don't worry, I'll go send them right now! Thanks for the talk, Boss. I never thought I'd get so much out of an annual review that covered less than a week.
Boss: NO, THE 2012 REVIEW!
Gus: Seems kind of silly to do the 2013 review first and then the 2012 review, but you're the boss!