Oh, and good morning, readers.
You may be wondering what is causing my latest panic. You may be thinking I’m acting like some sort of chicken, maybe even Chicken Little.
You remember the story of Chicken Little, don’t you? He ran around yelling, “The sky is falling!” I’d always admired that chicken for doing his civic duty by warning the rest of the population of an obvious danger.
Yep, I was a big admirer. That is, until now.
I’ll bet the big question you’re asking yourself right now is, “Gee, I wonder why.”
Yep, I can almost hear you right now: “Gee I wonder why they let this nimrod write this column every week?”
But there’s probably something else you’re wondering, and that is, “Gee I wonder why this goofball no longer admires Chicken Little?”
Wow, y’all sure call me a lot of mean names before you have your morning coffee, don’t you?
Anyway, back to Chicken Little. The reason I no longer admire him is, apparently, he and his fellow chickens have turned to the dark side.
And I have my proof right here, thanks to two recent Associated Press articles.
The first one comes from Accomac, Va., and states, “Investigators are looking into a report that a piece of uncooked poultry fell from the sky and plunked a teenager on the head.”
Do you realize what’s happening here? Kamikaze chickens are attacking our youth! Darn you, Chicken Little!
I mean, I am in full-scale panic mode here.
As if that’s not enough, apparently the government is trying to cover up this nightmare. The story states that the Department of Environmental Quality claims this simply could have been a case of a seagull dropping a piece of chicken that it had plucked from a compost pile.
The story states the teenage victim was horseback riding when the foot-long piece of chicken hit her on the head.
Foot-long chicken? I suddenly have a craving for Subway.
Back to the story, which states that others saw “several more poultry parts fall from the sky.”
And, it turns out, the chickens aren’t just using air attacks. They have ground forces, as well, according to this AP article from Portersville, Pa., which states 37,000 pounds of processed chicken spilled onto the road when a tractor-trailer crashed.
It’s time to call in the military, led by a colonel who has experience in killing chickens.
Get Colonel Sanders on the phone!