I feel sorry for people who work in the complaint department at any place, but they might be happy these days.

That's because they're probably thinking, "At least I'm not in the complaint department of the Carnival Cruise Line ship Triumph."

That, of course, was the stranded cruise ship that's been in the news.

I'd love to see how that cruise-line worker was spinning things. I'll bet it went something like this:

Worker: May I help you?

Passenger: Yes, I should have been home days ago.

Worker: You're welcome.

Passenger: What?

Worker: You know, for the extended cruise. In fact, I overheard our captain say today he's even considering not charging extra for these additional days. What a guy!

Passenger: Are you crazy? We're aimlessly drifting at sea!

Worker: Just make the best of it. Enjoy some of our meals.

Passenger: Enjoy? I'm too scared to eat anything. What if it has all spoiled?

Worker: Well there is a bright side to not eating. No food means no need to answer "nature's call," which means you don't have to worry about the fact that our toilets don't work.

Passenger: The toilets don't work?

Worker: Granted, if you feel the urge, there's plenty of ocean out there, provided you have good enough balance to ...

Passenger: Don't you DARE finish that sentence!

Worker: I'm just trying to make the best of what a few of the passengers might consider a somewhat difficult situation.

Passenger: You mean the throng of people who are sleeping outside because of the suffocatingly non-air-conditioned tiny cabins?

Worker: Oh you've met them.

Passenger: Met them? I had to step over a sleeping family just to get to your office.

Worker: They're just sleeping away, aren't they? Boy, these cruises really do relax you.

Passenger: And another thing, this ship is swishing back and forth uncontrollably.

Worker: You mean our "giant water slide ride"? We just added that during this cruise. It was an idea from one of our workers who noticed the ship had a slight rocking motion today.

Passenger: That slight rocking motion is that what is causing us to hurl from one side of the ship to the other ...

Worker: You mean the sliding portion of the ride?

Passenger: ... while mercilessly being pelted with plumes of ocean water.

Worker: The water portion of the ride. Refreshing, isn't it?

Passenger: I think I'm going to be sick.

Worker: Then you'll need our infirmary. It's right over there.

Passenger: What infirmary? All I see is a wall with needles sticking out of it.

Worker: And each needle has motion-sickness medicine. Just aim yourself in that direction the next time the ship swishes that way and you should ram right into one. That's another free service we added today. You're welcome.