Bernie Delinski

OK, gang, get ready, it's time for an episode of "Bernie's Favorite State"!

The rules to the game are simple: I'll share recent articles from various news outlets and you try to guess, from a multiple-choice list, the state where it happened.

Here we go with our first question:

Authorities are investigating the theft of an 8-foot, 300-pound Sasquatch statue from the front of a store called Mattress Monsterz. In which state did this occur?

A: Colorado

B: Oklahoma

C: Michigan

D: Florida

And the answer is: Florida! On to the next question:

A 33-year-old orangutan recently has been granted legal personhood and now is living in which state?

A: Tennessee

B: Wyoming

C: Alaska

D: Florida

And the answer is: Florida! On to the next question:

Operators at a 911 dispatch center had to scold a man for repeatedly calling them to report that his roommate had stolen his marijuana. In what state did this happen?

A: South Dakota

B: Maine

C: We're starting to run out of other states

D: Florida

And the answer is: Florida! On to the next question:

A man faces charges after being discovered nude inside a plumbing business, where he was using a forklift and hammer to destroy items before taking a shower there. In which state did this occur?

A: I think I'm starting to see a trend here.

B: Don't even bother listing another state.

C: Go ahead and say it.

D: Florida.

And the answer is: Florida! On to the next question:

A man was arrested after authorities said he provoked an alligator into biting his arm and poured beer into its mouth while on video. In what state did this happen? (Hint: It's just south of Alabama)

A: OK, Bernie, we get it: weird things happen in Florida.

A: Are you seriously making an entire column out of this?

C: Did you notice I made two "A" answers to try to throw you off?

D: Florida

And the answer is: Florida! On to the next question:

Authorities arrested a couple for drunken bicycling (you read that correctly) and placed them in the back of a patrol car, only to return and find them having sex in the back seat. In what state did this happen?

A: State of intoxication

B: Har-har! State of intoxication. Get it?

C: Seriously, you didn't think that was funny?

D: Florida

And the answer is: Florida (and, technically, the state of intoxication)!

I'm afraid we're out of time for this episode of "Bernie's Favorite State" but don't worry, we'll be back soon with another one, as soon as we reload with another crop of questions.

We just have to give Florida a little time to be Florida.

bernie.delinski@timesdaily.com or 256-740-5739. Twitter @TD_BDelinski

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