Bernie Delinski

According to various news reports, a Utah woman recently called 911 to report a possible drunk driver.

So she was being a good citizen, right?

Well, not so much. It turns out the caller also was drunk and driving at the time, police said. So she got to enjoy a nice jail stay, the reports state.

I just hope she learned her lesson. I'd hate for her to engage in a life of crime. But if she does, I envision it going something like this:

Operator: "911. What is your type of emergency?"

Woman: "I'd like to report a burglary."

Operator: "When did it occur?"

Woman: "It's taking place right now, and I'm inside the house witnessing it."

Operator: "OK, remain calm. Where do you live?"

Woman: "At the corner of First and Third streets."

Operator: "We're sending a unit there right now."

Woman: "You are? Why?"

Operator: "What do you mean?"

Woman: "Why would you send a unit to my house?"

Operator: "Because it's being burglarized."

Woman: "It is? That's terrible! How did you find out?"

Operator: "You just told me. Remember?"

Woman: "No, I said I'm witnessing one right now inside the house where I am."

Operator: "Oh, I see. You're visiting the house where the burglary took place."

Woman: "Yes, if by 'visiting' you mean 'burglarizing.'"

Operator: "Wait ... so you're reporting on yourself?"

Woman: "No. What happened was, I was in the middle of taking all the homeowner's stuff when in walked another burglar. I mean, how rude! This goes against the Burglar Code of Ethics! Just wait until I report this guy to the Burglars Society of America."

Operator: "The Burglars Society of ...?"

Woman: "Never mind all that. Focus on the issue here: You've got two burglaries going on."

Operator: "Two?"

Woman: "Yeah, this one and the one at my house that you told me about."

Operator: "No, there's not one at your house. I had thought you were at your house when you called."

Woman: "Oh, that's a relief! So, I guess that means there's only one burglary."

Operator: "Nope, there's two."

Woman: "What do you mean?"

Operator: "Well, there's the one you reported and the one you're committing."

Woman: "Hey, that's right. I guess I hadn't thought of it that way. Listen, I've got to go. I hear the police pulling up. I can't wait to see the expression of that burglar's face when I tell the police that I caught him burglarizing the house while I was burglarizing it."

Operator: "I don't think you understand what's going to transpire when you do that. But by all means, please make sure to tell the officer. Frankly, his expression is the one I'd love to see."

bernie.delinski@timesdaily.com or 256-740-5739. Twitter @TD_BDelinski

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